Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Learning to Separate YOUR Voice from the Eating Disorder voice

I learned to live half alive,
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars,
Collecting your jar of hearts,
Tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Didn't eat well today, and ED keeps making excuses.
Didn't eat enough for breakfast.
You were running late, so you couldn't grab something besides a banana at home, & a train stopped you for 15 minutes so you didn't have time to stop at the gas station.
While that excuse is true, it doesn't excuse the rest of the day which happened because I had a poor start.
Banana on the way to work
Coffee with sugar/cream on 1st break
Lunch was a few garlic toast chips with pesto on them & another coffee.
I had 2 regular and 1 jumbo blow pop during work.
After work: nada yet

It's 9:55PM here and I wake up at 3:30AM so really I should go to bed.
I think that was partly ED. I hate when I can't tell who is saying something: ME or the eating disorder...sometimes they become so enmeshed you can't distinguish two voices.

But if you take away anything from this post, let this be it: Learning to separate YOUR voice from the eating disorder is vital to recovery. By creating that separation, you enable yourself to turn against the eating disorder's voice (no, we're not crazy...but the ED voice is a self-critical voice you have learned to use to cope with life through eating-disordered behaviors. By recognizing that you are separate from it, you acknowledge it is not your identity, but a disease that can be overcome) and by turning against the voice, you can choose healthier behaviors and gradually increase the gap between you and ED.

I can't take one more step towards you, cause all that's waiting is regret...


Impressed said...

Just want to tell you that I think you are brave to discuss your eating disorder so honestly and eloquently.

All the best!

A is for... said...

Thank you! That's so nice of you to say!!

Take care!